Child Support, Feminism and The Rape Culture

I had a friend once (we’ll call him Fred) who was approached by another friend (we’ll call him Sam).  Sam once claimed that Fred owed him money for new tires he needed to put on his motorcycle.

Fred of course was confused, “Why do I owe you money so you can put tires on your motorcycle?”

Sam replied, “Because I let you ride it.”

Fred replied, “So you mean to tell me —

1) I don’t own your motorbike

2) You emphatically choose who gets to ride it

3) When you allow me to ride it I owe you money for something you volunteered?”

Sam replies, “Of course – what did you think?  Did you think Just because I volunteered to let you drive it that I was letting you do it for free?”


We all know stories of this nature and to many of us it may seem a bit off; but when it comes to child support; this is exactly the same episode played out in the legal system.  There seems to be this consistency that women emphatically contain all ownership of matters regarding their body, pregnancy and children while demanding payment for an act that was volunteered in the first place.

This stance implies the “rape culture”.  One in which entitlement has gotten so far out of hand that the act of two persons of opposite sex having sex is treated like rape by one side.  This is the same lunacy as saying that even though Sam volunteered to allow Fred to take his motorcycle for a spin; he actually “stole” it and now needs to pay up for damages done to HIS property.

Will the world ever *really* treat women with equality?  As they say, “Woman up” – take responsibility for your actions and that would mean emphatically protesting child support laws.

5 thoughts on “Child Support, Feminism and The Rape Culture

  1. It sounds as though you’re conflating discussions of rape culture a desire to take advantage, which is, I’d argue, a misunderstanding. Rape is wrong, and claiming rape against someone you consented to have sex with is also wrong. However, discussions of rape culture don’t (or at least shouldn’t) promote the idea that women can just willy nilly claim rape in order to avoid repercussions. Instead, the common idea is that this country often promotes rape in ways that we, as a majority, don’t realize. Also, it’s not necessarily a gender-focused issue. The horror of rape happens and to both genders. Additionally, all claims of rape are not equal, and the occasional false accusation (a horrible act) does not negate or disqualify the many real accusations concerning very real situations. Admittedly, the false accusations really do make the entire issue much more difficult to discuss fairly, which is very sad.

    Interesting subject! I hope you enjoy my take!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, I did enjoy your take on it very much. Thanks for reading 🙂

      I didn’t really dig into the “rape culture” theory much; Its reference was just a way to introduce a commonly accepted view point – “promoting” the idea of rape – and how the idea might relate to the legal system.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. So, wait–you’re equating rape and paternal responsibility? That’s fucked up. The rules are simple–ask first and don’t assume, then protect yourself or bear the consequences.

    Is there an over-reaction, to some degree, over this whole “rape culture” thing? Absolutely, but that’s how our institutional society works: ponderous broad solutions to problems real or perceived. We have wars on things–drugs, terrorists, Christmas (just kidding). Is it more difficult to navigate the sexual waters than when i was a young man? Absolutely. Am I guilt-free? I wish I knew–I did my fair share of begging, pleading, cajoling, pressuring, and manipulating girls who maybe needed a little convincing (or so I thought) to let their desires outpace their reservations, and I often wonder if I crossed lines.

    (Aside: Which is why I grew to appreciate strong, confident, “empowered” women who didn’t need to be talked into a few extra bases but were, instead, willing conspirators in pursuit of mutual satisfaction).

    The alternative could be much more unsettling, at least after-the-fact.

    You wake up in a single bed with a naked, vaguely-remembered woman who stinks of cigarettes and alcohol beneath a hint of Calvin Klein Obsession and think: oh, shit. There’s probably some mutual culpability there, but maybe not.

    Until we learn to protect ourselves by protecting each other, there is going to be a hazy line of consent that is further blurred by embarrassment, guilt, regret, and maybe even obsession. The solution is simple enough: be absolutely sure of consent.

    As for child support, if a guy places his sperm where it’s likely to make a baby, responsibility for that child is his. Condoms cost less than cheap beers in plastic cups. Use one. Otherwise, step up and be a man. A child is not a motorcycle you rode nine months ago. Think of it as doing right, or think of it as paying a tax for being an idiot, but with the options we have, no matter how gracious you think a woman should be for your sharing the great gift that is your penis, there is no excuse for making a baby you don’t want to support.

    Aside 2: And please, don’t mistake child support–which is paying a share of the expenses required to feed, clothe, and shelter a child–with the concept of alimony, which is support of a ex-spouse following a divorce. (And for the record, I have two middle-class friends who pay alimony to their asshole ex-husbands).


    • Nope, “This stance **implies** the “rape culture”” – I’m comparing voluntary sex – with the take of – a rape culture mind-set; along side voluntary sharing – with the take of – stealing.

      “if a guy places his sperm where it’s likely to make a baby, responsibility for that child is his” – that analogy is the same as saying – “Because I called up johns lawn shop to plant lawn in *my* yard they are responsible for watering and mowing it even though I wanted and asked them to plant it”

      I don’t believe any party should be paying alimony or child support to another party based on a volunteered action. The act of a property owner volunteering something; doesn’t entitle them to exploitation.


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